Working in the maritime transportation industry has provided a unique lens through which I view transit. It’s a deeper understanding of how everything, from my Amazon packages to my gasoline, makes its way to my doorstep or my local Gasland. There’s a greater appreciation for the container you see on the highway or the fruit from South America in the grocery store.
Just as our goods are in transit, as a seafarer I also spend a great deal of my life in transit, between ports as well as to and from my home and vessel. That transition from home to onboard and onboard to home is not one I considered closely as a cadet. Now that I am sailing as a mate, it is an aspect of this career I have gained a greater understanding of.
Working on the water can often mean having a very unconventional schedule. Some of us work 4 months on the ship, followed by 4 months of vacation. Others work 28 days on and have 14 days off. When I talk to those ashore who have limited knowledge of the industry, if any at all, they always seem fascinated by how much time off this job gives me. But what if at the end of those 75 days home, I don’t feel well-rested? It certainly didn’t consist of 2.5 months lying on the beach (though that would be nice). Before I know it, I’m back on board ready to work 12 hours a day, 7 days a week, working midnight to noon and realizing that I’m back in the half of my life with limited sunlight, spending the majority of my day working in the dark. How does someone, after 75 days of no work, no emails, and no call outs, feel burned out?
I think the best way to explain this burnout is to provide a glimpse into how I make my busy life work, starting with how I gear up and adjust from one half of my life to the other.
“I don’t know how you do it? How do you leave? How do you miss Christmas? How are you gone all the time?” “Are you burned out?” Those questions are ones I hear frequently as I prepare to head to work for 75 days. My emotions are often ones of stress and anticipation, but also a desire for adventure. I didn’t know what I would experience in my first hitch as a mate. As a cadet it was mostly relief that I felt: the relief to get away from school, the sense of adventure that awaited! As a mate, it’s a much different experience.
The Before:
Knowing that crew change is coming usually jumpstarts a range of emotions. I’m usually pretty stressed, if I’m honest with myself here. Getting ready to go back to work can be a shock to the system. The preparations before joining my ship include packing, powers of attorney, and last minute car maintenance, to name a few. Sometimes it’s ordering Christmas presents, wedding gifts, or baby shower gifts months in advance; writing birthday cards and anniversary cards to be mailed at a later date. Oftentimes the joining date will change. Emotionally, I can feel myself getting geared up for the other half of my life, which is so different from my shoreside life. I like to get as many things off my to-do list as possible before I leave - it’s a lot easier to deal with land problems while you’re still on land! This prep allows me to reduce my stress levels when I’m offshore and focus on my work on board, knowing that everything is taken care of at home.
After Sign On:
At first, I usually get a case of what I call my “ back to work blues”. I usually try to counter this with making my room feel more like home. For me, this looks like bringing my own pillowcase, hanging some pictures, and always having comfy PJs. I also try to set some goals for myself for the hitch that aren’t work related. Maybe I want to journal more, read more, work out at least 3x a week. This helps me frame the hitch as a positive time of personal growth instead of feeling trapped onboard.
That Sign Off Feeling:
The feeling of going home is always a good one, though I always need a few days to truly decompress; my family has always been good about just letting me lay horizontally and only getting vertical for meals until I am ready to get back to shoreside life. My dad used to come in and check on me, saying “looks like you are fighting gravity today, but not winning”. There’s always so much to do at home, but those first few days of rest are crucial. I usually feel a pretty wide range of emotions when I sign off: relief that my brain can rest, gratitude that I made it home safely, and excitement for the freedom to travel and see loved ones.
So let’s talk about burnout and, more importantly, balance.
I have always been a busy person; I truly over-schedule every hour of a 24 hour day! I have always struggled with and am still learning how to say no to things and take the time I need to rest. As someone who misses a lot when I’m at work, I don’t want to miss a moment when I’m off. This desire to be present for those I love has caused me to rack up more frequent flyer miles than I ever expected. I’m the kind of person who will be there, even if it means flying in for less than 24 hours. I’ll drive 8 hours to make a baby shower for 3 hours. It’s just who I’ve always been. This kind of travel and scheduling can be exhausting; I live out of a suitcase more often than I wish. The bed in which I sleep for the most consecutive nights is the bed on board my ship. I wouldn’t trade all the travel for anything - those moments and memories are always worth it.
But sometimes I need to take a moment away from all the travel and busyness. Stepping back might mean staying home for the night and watching a movie. It means scheduling work classes strategically to minimize the number of flights I have to take. It means prioritizing what has to get done today, and deciding what can wait for another day. It’s looking ahead with a mindset of “how can I make my future self’s life easier?”. Sometimes I will plan to take work classes within days of signing off so I have more weeks in a row in the middle of my time off without obligations. Other times it’s as simple as really focusing on the to-do list and not sleeping until 2pm just because I can, so that later I can enjoy the weekend with my 9-5 friends!
I think many of us can agree that life has felt heavy lately. Watching the world with anxiety, busy shipping schedules with delayed crew changes and limited time ashore to decompress, and other life stressors. It is so important to take the time you need to take care of your mental health.
So am I optimistic? Yes! This career affords me a lot of benefits, and that is going to be my focus as I start this next hitch. The upheaval I feel from constant traveling is the result of being loved by a lot of people all over the country. The tiredness from work is the result of being employed. The ability to travel as far and frequently as I do is a financial blessing of my career. Sometimes I take on more than I probably should but for now, every yes has led me to an opportunity I haven’t regretted (even if I’m tired afterwards). I just have to take time to rest.