Since starting work offshore as a merchant mariner right out of the Academy, I've always thought “I’m still young, I could put off pregnancy for another year; maybe at that time I will be in a better place professionally”. But at the age of 31 and still working rotational hitches, I felt it was time to think about starting a family, since becoming pregnant was something my husband and I had wanted from the beginning.

We wanted to start a family but we were nervous about how the company would view my pregnancy health status while I was working offshore. I searched for a “Pregnancy Leave” policy, but there was nothing in place for women working offshore in Angola, Africa. There were no women before me I could talk to about this issue; there were no other females working offshore in Angola at the time. Without a company policy, I was in the dark on how shipboard vessel management would treat my case. I wanted to talk to the correct people on how to proceed, but it was a struggle; no one in Human Resources knew how to help. Each HR representative only referred me to another representative in another division of HR. No one in HR had come across any circumstances within the entire company where a woman had been pregnant and continued to work offshore.

Therefore, with only a verbal promise from my Rig Manager that I would always have my 2nd Mate position held for me onboard the vessel in Angola, I became pregnant. I informed my Rig Manager of the news the following hitch, in the third week of my first trimester - I had just received a positive pregnancy test. When I returned home, I would perform a full health check with my doctor prior to returning to work.

When I was home, my doctor assessed the risks and stated there were none to returning to work this early in the pregnancy. There was no threat of Zika found in Angola at the time, so I returned to work.

During this hitch, I was still in my first trimester and healthy. I felt fortunate that the Rig Manager knew of the pregnancy, and I was ready and excited to work. The vessel’s doctor gave me daily checkups consisting of blood pressure and heart rate checks. I worked my four weeks without any issues of morning sickness or pains. I even walked the helicopter deck and performed light weight training in the ship’s gym to keep a level of healthy fitness under the guidance of my obstetrician.

On the last day of my hitch, the captain informed me that once I returned home, I would not be returning to work until after our baby was born. They announced my “temporary” replacement and wished me luck with the pregnancy. I was at a loss for words but trusted the company would look out for my best interests. The Rig Manager, working with HR, finally gave me some answers a few days later.

The company needed me in the corporate office for my skills and experience offshore. I traveled to Houston and spent two weeks training with the wonderful men and women in the Corporate Compliance and Documentation department. My manager, who also had a maritime background, taught me the ins and outs of the internal vessel and offshore platform document database. My tasks were to rename and file all the current and obsolete documents inside the corporate database for all the current and cold-stacked vessels. In the corporate office, I had the opportunity to experience the shore-based shipping side of the company. People I had only known through ship emails became real people. I was able to appreciate a different perspective of the maritime industry. I really liked working in the office temporarily, but I could not have done it long-term.

Once I learned the job, I was able to work from home, or from anywhere with an internet connection. I felt very fortunate to be home and close to my obstetrician during the pregnancy. I was happy to be able to continue to work for the company shoreside until it was time for our baby to arrive (my husband and I wanted the baby’s gender to be a surprise, so as I write this I refer to our little joy as “our baby”).

Working from home was a huge change from working at sea. I was on a computer busting out 8-hour workdays Monday through Friday. I took a one-hour lunch to break up the day. It was the most time I had ever spent at home with my husband since we met at the academy, which was fantastic and frustrating at the same time. While working rotational hitches, when I was at home, I was at home and relaxing. Now I was at home and working, which is not an easy transition for a mariner or her spouse. Although it was a bit difficult, we persevered and really cherished our evenings and weekends together. This was our new life until our baby’s arrival.

Our beautiful son Michael Bennett Norton was born in Maine through two Nor ‘east snowstorms. No one could have prepared me for the extreme love I would feel looking into his eyes for the first time; suddenly everything was right in the world and all the work and struggles were so small. Our pregnancy adventures had ended and here my husband and I were gazing intently at this helpless precious baby boy as he gazed back at us in wonder. We both realized immediately that the real adventures were just now starting.

Our hospital required us to stay two additional days after Bennett’s birth to ensure we were both ok. During the additional days, we learned so much about baby Bennett and about each other. We learned the correct way to change a diaper. I learned the ins and outs of breastfeeding and its difficulties. We realized breastfeeding stories are often more romantic than breastfeeding is in real life. For us, the nutritional and health benefits outweighed the heavy burden of commitment which breastfeeding requires. I savored the moments when Bennett fed; we were bonding and loving one another. He had a poor latch, which I learned would make breastfeeding hard. I needed to hand-express or use a breast pump to acquire the necessary food to bottle-feed Bennett. Even though pumping breast milk and feeding Bennett through a bottle was not the lactation consultant’s recommended method of feeding newborn babies, it allowed my husband to feed Bennett so he could also bond with him.

We were very lucky that Bennett was not a fussy eater. He was able to switch between bottle and breast-feeding without issues. Using a breast pump is time-consuming, so I was often happy to be using my two natural “feeding units”, and my mobile baby breast pump named Bennett. Pumping breast milk requires many parts and pieces alongside the pump. The various breast pump tubes, bottles, and supplies needed cleaning every time I pumped, which was every 2-3 hours. The pump supplies also needed to be sterilized once a day. Spilling the precious milk could present an issue and handling the food source appropriately by either freezing or refrigerating it for the future was very important. So by pumping and storing milk in those three months, I managed to freeze enough breast milk so that Bennett was able to receive two 4oz servings every day while I was gone to sea for 30 days.

After the 12 weeks preceding the birth of Bennett, my Family Medical Leave Act (FMLA) benefits expired and I had to make the choice to return to work offshore or quit my job. If I quit, I would have to pay back to my company the income and medical costs they had paid for my maternity leave, including the FMLA benefits.

But if I returned to work, how would I feel being away from my son while my husband was the primary caretaker? Other questions came to mind as the date loomed closer. How would my son respond to me being away from him? Would I continue to breastfeed? If I wanted to continue to breastfeed my son when I returned from sea, how could I make this a reality? How are people going to view my decision to return to work?

In the end, I would return to work in my previously held position as 2nd Mate. Many people tried to discourage me from returning to work. I responded to their feedback by saying, “I will return to sea and see how it goes”. In those experiences, after hearing this, most people would then give encouraging words. But it was difficult reading the doubt in their faces. It left me thinking, "Am I a bad mom for leaving my newborn child and returning to work? Are other people going to think I am a terrible parent?” I knew I needed to try to return to my career at sea, which I had strived so hard to build. If I did not try, I would forever doubt my abilities and become disappointed in myself. If I had not had the strength and conviction to encourage myself in spite of the naysayers, I could not have had the drive to return to work. A new mom returning to work after having a child requires some self-determination, and there would have been no way I could have had the strength to leave my son for the first hitch if I had not prepared myself from day one of pregnancy to return to work.

No matter what people said to me, most were extremely discouraging. So from the start, I kept believing in my heart and my mind that I was strong, and I needed to return for myself and for our family.

In addition to the daily mental barrage of negative emotions in the face of my impending return to work, I also experienced physical challenges. I decided to keep my breast milk supply going while I was working offshore. Bennett ate both breastmilk and formula, but scientific evidence argues that breast milk is the best thing for not only his physical and mental growth, but also his immune system development. So in order to continue to keep my milk supply, I would need to pump or express at specific intervals throughout the day.

I knew from experience that 8 hours was the maximum amount of time I could wait before I was too uncomfortable. I did not need to pump every 2-3 hours - that would be too excessive. On the way to work, I would require a place to hand-express to meet breastfeeding goals. The ideal places were airport baby nursing rooms. These rooms, dedicated to nursing mothers, were a godsend but rare at most airports. I was comfortable and accepted in the baby nursing rooms, often meeting other women in my exact scenario, expressing while on a business trip away from their children. We would give each other kudos and I would feel revived and empowered upon leaving.

An alternative to the baby nursing rooms within the airports were family restrooms. Family restrooms were private places where I could pump with adequate counter space for all the necessary supplies, but these bathrooms were popular within the airport (I noticed many airport employees would hide in these restrooms). I would often receive dirty looks from some people when leaving the bathroom without an infant in tow. If I could not find a baby nursing room or a family bathroom, my only alternative was a normal bathroom. With all the pumping supplies, the nursing bra, and the hands-free bra, it is difficult to balance pump supplies and carry-on luggage without a counter area. Unfortunately, this is where I found myself pumping the majority of the time.

Once I was out of the airport, I would need to continue to pump on the plane during flights longer than 6 hours, which meant two out of my three flights en route to the vessel. I would try to pick a time when most people were asleep so as not to bother any of the other passengers or create a line to the bathroom. There was always someone looking annoyed that I had taken 20-plus minutes in the airplane lavatory. I ignored the dirty looks, thinking of all the benefits I was working toward for my son, and thus persevered through the airplane breast pumping.

At the end of my final flight, I was in Angola. Our crew needed to clear customs, grab our bags, take a van to the ship terminal and catch a Fast Vessel to the rig. Between my last pump onboard the airplane and arriving at the rig, it would be close to 5 hours of travel so during the 4.5-hour transit to the rig, I would need to pump on the Fast Vessel transit. In a small toilet area, aboard a small boat driving fast and being tossed about in the sea, no AC; I do not normally get seasick but I was developing uneasiness more and more by the second. I managed to finish the job knowing I was only a few moments away from seeing my breakfast. One more milestone accomplished. I was pioneering a new journey: adventure breast pumping!

Once I arrived onboard the rig, I had to establish a long-term plan. I would express before I went to bed, sleep for 8 hours, then pump again when I woke up. These were two easy situations; I was in the privacy of my room on my own time. The challenge was my midnight to noon watch rotation. At about 0330 in the morning, I noticed the traffic on the bridge was low. The Chief Mate had resumed work after coffee time and all other VIPs were sleeping. This was the time of day when I could sneak a 10-15 minute quick pump. I laughed at the thought of how many women and seafarers alike would think I was completely mad. Between 0400 and noon, it was tough to find time. If I skipped a session, which I had to do on a few days when operations did not permit, I would be very uncomfortable by the time I got back to my room. I strived to make time to pump even if it was only for 5 minutes.

Another physical challenge; what would I do with the milk I was expressing? How would I keep it at a proper temperature while traveling and onboard the rig? How will I get this large quantity of breast milk back home to my son? This physical challenge ended up transitioning into the hardest mental challenge of my motherhood: I would have to pour this milk down the sink. Even typing the words makes me cringe. Through the airports, the Fast Vessel, and my time onboard the rig, I “pumped and dumped”. As heart-wrenching each and every moment of dumping my precious baby food down the drain was, I kept a level head thinking it would keep my baby fed a little longer when I returned home. The trials and tribulations of pumping to keep my supply from “drying up” was a challenging and entertaining adventure. It made for great conversations when I returned home, and I was able to breastfeed Bennett as if I had never left.

When I arrived onboard after my maternity leave, my coworkers were surprised that I had returned to work again. They thought I would stay ashore and work in the office; they did not understand that the office work was a temporary job while I was unable to return to the vessel. Having a child doesn’t necessarily have to permanently force a woman ashore, but my coworkers assumed I would give up my career offshore to raise my child.

To earn a living at sea and have a beautiful family was always a lifelong goal of mine. A father can also parent at home; it does not always have to be the mother. Currently my husband’s job allows him to work from home. He and Bennett are happy together while I am working offshore. He keeps my clothing around Bennett throughout the day. The clothing has my scent and it reminds him that although I am not presently with him, I will be returning.

I have enormous trust in my husband. Leaving home as a new parent with very little experience raising a child is frightening. I cannot say all my days away from Bennett are easy; I have cried and felt heartaches I never knew were possible. I have replayed the hundreds of saved iPhone movies of my son smiling and giggling at me. I feel very grateful I can FaceTime my husband daily. Bennett smiles, laughs, kicks his feet and sometimes tries to grab or kiss the phone when we are talking. Talking to my husband and son on FaceTime and getting daily photo updates keeps me grounded at work - and my mom instincts in check.

In the future, my son will learn that both men and women with a positive mentality and work ethic have a place offshore. Anyone, man or woman, can achieve anything as long as they put their minds to it. My pregnancy was one more challenge to overcome through perseverance and patience. My experience can help the next generation of female mariners achieve their goals by standing up for what they want to achieve: both at sea and in their personal family choices at home.

Carrie